03 Jun What conditions help create fulfilling orgasms?
What conditions help create fulfilling orgasms?
I have been working with women and orgasms for 12 years and I love the multifaceted arenas that this journey has taken. Annoying as this phrase can be sometimes “ How we do one thing we do everything! “ there is truth within it. What I commonly find is that each of us has core patterns, beliefs and behaviours that dictate the way in which we respond. So often what is uncovered is that a process of disassociation or collapse or challenge or dis-interest or a fizzing out of sexual energy and other various responses, is also felt within other areas of ones life.
I suggest noticing :
How do you respond to pressure? Do you push through? Do you disappear? Do you persist ? Do you get annoyed? So many different responses, which is yours? Can you let go into the unknown moment? Can you stay curious? Can you feel your body?
How connected do you stay to the sensations of your body during the day? Our capacity to stay in relationship with our sensations has a massive effect on allowing our energy to follow through to climax. Teaching ourselves to soften into heightened sensations, staying present with the communication of the body. If we are unable to anchor our awareness into our body sensations or its not very strong we become very easily distracted away from pleasure, especially as it increases so training yourself through the day to feel is key!
How tight is your pelvis? Allowing our hips and muscles around the pelvic area to be flexible, toned and in good condition can add to our response to orgasms. I have worked with many women that when they do regular stretching, vaginal massage, even going to an osteopath to address issues in pelvic imbalance and take notice to the holding on a daily basis, women experience an increase in the opening to orgasmic waves.
Can you let go of control? Are you mentally tight? Are you emotionally tight or fearful? Are you creating a rigid way in which you want the love making to flow, do you allow yourself to get agitated instead of surrendered to the flow? Are you in too much of a doing, pushing, making and not trusting? Learning ways to let go of control in situations creates a valuable resilience to the ever changing world around us, orgasms are the same. As the love making has no rigid format we need to learn to surrender into the natural movements of impulse and following the energy increase and pleasure ball created within us.
How much power have you given your mind? The mind has a huge impact on what we allow ourselves to surrender into especially sensations in the body. Often the mind feels it is the leader of this creation and often acts like it is the superior intelligence to the body. It is not! It is a system within a system that has an amazing functional placement in our human experience and often it needs reminding that it is part of a team, to learn to stop and be with the intelligence of the body and the bodies instinct. The mind will often be the instigator of pulling us away from climax with a pattern of false protection come form past association or pain or trauma, which can come from past experiences especially sexually but not always. Learning to master the minds habits is very important.
How do you touch your own body? So many women I work with don’t touch their own vaginas sensually or they have an aggressive approach or just for an irritated release of tension as a way of touching her. Touch creates relationship, seeing your body as your primary lover is so important! Giving to your body the touch that you long to receive from a lover is so important, learning what allows the increase in sexual yearning, learning what stimulates, being curious to the sensitive, numb, hurting, ecstatic places creates a map of your vagina’s nature.
Do you want to be making love with this person? This often can be a challenging inner honest question that some women avoid but it is important to want this person to be inside you! Which ever part of their body enters you, do you want it there! If the answer is yes but the body is responding with a no due to past trauma then that is an important journey of reclamation worth taking, especially if you have a lover you yearn to meet.
How do you breathe? Breath is a powerful measurement in how your body is going to let go! When we shallow breath this instigates an adrenalin response, when we open to full body breath this invites oxytocin, fills the body with oxygen that enables the system to feel safe. Therefore open to pleasure. Feeling safe in love making is so important for pleasure to flow so we have to create the right environment for it to do so. The breath encourages a hormonal and neural response to every situation. Show your body it’s safe by allowing breath to soothe her.
These are just a few foundational conditions that I feel can be explored to deepen pleasure.
Remember you have a unique pathway to walk to your pleasure and deep feminine insight.
If you don’t walk along that pathway nothing will change, be excited, be an adventurer find your way that pleasure moves as it is uniquely yours!!
Each of these subjects I have just touched on, they are deep and have many practices that go with them to increase deeper and more fulfilling love making – take a look at my courses and sessions if you are interested in learning more.
With so much love Kalindi Jordan